Fitness & Go Veg
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.
1. How did you find out about your deity?
2. Which model deity did you acquire?
3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
Yes. No problem.
No. Where do I begin?
If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. Please check all that apply:
4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a deity? Please check all that apply.
5. Have you ever worshiped a deity before? If so, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.
The Almighty Dollar
Left Wing Liberalism
The Radical Right
Barney The Big Purple Dinosaur
The Great Spirit
The Great Pumpkin
A burning shrub
Other, Please specify
6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.
7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve a balanced
level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (pick one)?
a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know... What's Divine Intervention?
8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles.
Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1 = unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent):
9. From time to time God makes available the names and addresses of His
followers and devotees to selected divine personages who provide quality
services and perform intercessions in His behalf. Are you interested in a
compilation of listed offerings?
Yes, please deluge me with religious zealots
for the benefit of my own mortal soul
No, I do not wish to be inundated by
religious fanatics clamoring for my money
10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the
quality of God's services? (Attach additional sheets if necessary):